007 ancestral medicine treatment

Friday, December 13, 2019



I am good friends with the public figure known as La Gitana Patricia, curator of Encuentros Magicos. We have been good friends for twenty years now. I drove to her healing center to catch up and to ask her for advice. She sat with me in her office for what felt like an hour, going back and forth between who I really am, and the type of flexibility I have developed to solve my life's problems. She reminded me that the Gloom she knew doesn't yield or bend for anybody. We laughed about it, she knows better than anybody how life can change you. I voiced my concerns and outlined the general direction my life is going on. Not much later she had decided what I would do to heal, and gave me a bag full of beeswax to craft with. She outlined the directions with all the specifics and sent me to the back for treatment.

I resisted the experience because I didn't want to take any ancestral medicine. Anybody who has gone through it knows it has wonderful payoff at the cost of a very uncomfortable time. Usually it lasts about 30 minutes and makes me miserable the entire time I am under its influence. Today was no difference, it really proved to be a tough time for me. It's really no walk in the park.



Patricia blew the snuff herbs at my face and the intense burning started immediately. I felt this warm buzzing entering my nasal cavity and going straight to my brain. From there I could feel the substance burning down my spine, hands and finally my feet.It was as if an angry beehive had entered me. My entire body was on fire and I felt like I was going to faint a few times. Down the abyss we go.

It took about an hour to heal from the rapé. I remembered my closeness to buckets, and I said to myself it was ironic that my best friends in time of ceremony are buckets, water and paper towels. You won't think much of them until you're in pieces on the floor, and trust me even then you'll be a little surprised of your attachment to them. It's not all glamour, I guess.

To my dismay my mentor had more for me. While I healed from the first dose of herbs they had me with my feet in a container with water and an ionic machine sucking all the heavy metals out of my brain. I felt tingling in my feet and eventually the water started to darken. By the end of the session it was dark umber. This wasn't all that bad, I felt like I had some time to rest and recuperate.

I'm sorry. I know it's not pretty...

I was finally ready to lay back and relax after how difficult that was. I was on my phone when they approached me with sananga eye drops. I definitely resisted, but they got me anyway and administered the dose. I didn't get the proper dose in my left eye because I kept pushing their hands away. They almost got me there. For the next 20 minutes my eyes were burning and I knew what it was like to have been cursed by FF9 monsters in Gizamaluke's Grotto. They cast blind on me.

It took about thirty more minutes after that to feel like myself again. Afterwards they put me back in the healing chambers for a chiropractor session. Angel set me straight. He rearranged the bones in my body and worked on the tense areas. This was the only part of the day I really enjoyed other than catching up with Patricia. I could feel my bones being pushed back in place and a lot of the tension I carried with me being relieved. I'm going to sleep so, so well tonight...

Its been quiet in my head. No noise, music, negative thoughts, or thoughts about anybody else. I have been present and stable. Even happy. Despite it having been very difficult, I made it through. I'm going to have the most amazing sleep tonight that I have had in years, and I am really looking forward to see what I dream with. On the drive home I saw a rainbow. This is the case every time I'm going to see her, or just after having seen her. I've been seeing rainbow prisms reflected in the daytime, as well as have it coming up as a symbol in my daily life. when I drove up the mountain path in 2012 I drove through the end of a rainbow, with  another rainbow shining over the one I drove through. Mario Kart has nothing on me, this is real life.




The work I did with the beeswax kept me up all night. I started to melt it around 3 in the morning. Crafting took around 1.5 hours, and afterwards I was so wound up with excitement that I couldn't sleep. I felt my work coming to life as I molded it, treating it very gently and whispering in a gentle, loving way. The legacy of my ancestors is alive through me, I carry it with pride and will honor it throughout my lifetime. None of my family members really shared their secrets to their craft. We've all kept it private, but funny enough we each know the other practices.

I confess it took exactly one day before she asked me why I smelled like candle wax. I told my mother what I was doing in the car and she said, "Your creativity knows no bounds." This makes me laugh heartily because she knows that I do crazy things all the time, but when she comes in contact with my lifestyle, she still manages to seem surprised. Forget that I've tutored her in making some crafts that aren't her usual. lol



Bless her heart. She accompanies me on my errands when I am going far. Goes as far as to help me locate what I need, doesn't ask questions, waits patiently. I am very grateful for her support in the path I have chosen. She knows it to be one of trial and sacrifice, but also one with rewards paying off in dividends. I love her very much.

Since the day of the crafting, I thought about it and worried I should go check on my work to make sure it had been effective. Patricia told me to look for signs of abundance, and that the best I could hope for is to see growth. I drove back to the mountain and found the area where I had crafted had new plants growing as far as my eyes could see. I couldn't walk back over to the site because there were plants everywhere. I left with my heart glowing.

During the time basking in the sun while we sat on the river rocks, my friends and I spent some quiet time. We each took a few stones home, trinkets to commemorate our day there. On the drive out of the mountains we spotted a giant, healthy blue crab in the middle of the road. All three of us were impressed by it. That's not something I have ever seen unless I went to adjacent islands like Culebra and Vieques! We took it as a big sign for all three of us. I enjoyed the rest of my trip, feeling happy and purposeful. Having fun while missing Chris, Teemo and Frost back home in Beverly Hills.

DISCLAIMER:
I went through with this day in full knowledge of what was going to happen and how the medicine would affect me. I trust my mentor because she has 40 years of experience with this, we've known each other for over 10 years and she has treated me before. Do not endanger your safety; do some research and find a professional to care for you during time of ceremony and healing.

006 the bandito tour

Saturday, November 2, 2019



TWENTY ØNE PILØTS 2019 BANDITO TOUR:
On Friday, November 1, Chris and I made our way to Staples Center in Downtown Los Angeles. Picked up a celebratory cold latte on the way there, and I got the nicest compliments on my platform boots and coffin purse. When we arrived to Staples Center, we sauntered into the very front of the venue. The anticipation for the show mounted in the hours leading up to the headlining performance.

When the curtains stopped, we could see Joshua Dun in rebel clothes carrying a torch. Tyler Joseph stepped in with a face mask on and the show kicked off with a car being lit on fire. The energy that erupted was celebratory and only got more intense as the night progressed. We all sang along and enjoyed ourselves, living through the tape playing inside our eyelids. I flashed back to many memories I experienced while listening to the Trench album in the last year.




There were many costume changes, moving lights, confetti, streamers, and action. There is dialogue from the band interacting with the crowd, sneaking in and out of it. Both Tyler Joseph and Joshua Dun perform inside the crowd.

There is dialogue from the band to the crowd and back. Joshua Dun played drums on a platform raised by the crowd's own arms. Tyler Joseph clears out paths in the crowd, walks into it and goes to the back to sing A Capella songs, with Car Radio among them. The light show hovering over the performance is a beautiful sight, making the performance leave a lasting impression.

SETLIST:
Jumpsuit
Levitate
Heavydirtysoul
The Hype
Lane Boy
Stressed Out
('Bad Boys For Life' by P. Diddy intro)
Heathens
Nico and the Niners

B-Stage
Smithereens
Migraine
Tear in My Heart
Bandito
Pet Cheetah

Main Stage
Play Video
Holding on to You
Fall Away
Cut My Lip
Ride
My Blood
Morph
Car Radio

Encore:
Truce
Chlorine
Trees

Towards the end of the show they start shooting confetti. I kept some of the pieces that fell on my hair and stuck them in my journal. I'm sentimental about it because this album carried me through tough times. Tyler Joseph writes a song about his grandfather that had just passed away.I found it comforting, and found that other songs from the album treated subjects I resonate with highly.






The Twenty One Pilots show is an emotive experience. You feel joy during the celebration, and in some ways you also feel heard.I enjoyed the goodnatured humor and all the jokes that were made during the show. I appreciated seeing fans get high fived, and especially seeing both members being held up by the crowd at some point. The platforms raising are a stunt, as is the car they set on fire multiple times during the set. They bid us a very heartwarming goodbye before exiting stage.

When we left the venue, we found a sax player influencing the crowd with some Twenty One Pilots music. People were dancing or singing along to the music, and this street happening is just one of the many things that highlights what an amazing place the city of Los Angeles is. As we drove back home I was feeling uplifted and thinking about how good their performance was.

005 halloween launch

Thursday, October 31, 2019



My first season of Autumn spent in Beverly Hills has been spicy and adventurous. I love my new home. My spirit has yearned to feel the winds of change for years. With great joy I name today the inaugural launch of my new blog and online persona, Psychic Gloom. With this new guise I lay my old Internet identity to rest. I am finally burying that name and the associations that came with it. I am free to explore the personality I have matured into, to pursue new hobbies and to share it online in journal entries.
My spirit has yearned to feel the winds of change for years.

It is my wish to to pick the forgotten dream of the online journal back up. Samhain Moon would have been 9 years old today. How time flies! A genuine thank you goes out to all of you that accompanied me through the journey and found your way here today.

I get emotional about change and I resist it despite all of the signs my life gives me that it's time to let go and move on. I hang onto it to the very last moment when it comes to matters of the heart, or my line of work. The things I love I try to hang onto. For some reason the same goes for fear. The feeling of letting go pushes intense feelings to rip through me like vicious ocean waves: fear, excitement, recklessness, bravery, growth. All bubbling inside you.

I lived in Los Angeles for seven years before moving here. Lucky no. 7.

CATEGORIES:
♡ Diary: Entries & Advice
♡ Illustration + Design
♡ Tarot + Divination
♡ Gaming
♡ Magic: The Gathering
♡ Lifestyle: Music, travel, Los Angeles

These are the focal points of my blog. I'm sure about another decade out things will be very different than how they are today, but that's just part of the journey. We're all going through it. I've learned to listen to the signs when life says it's time to get going. Keeping the flow going is conductive to growth. Here's to the next decade.

Cheers, keep going.

004 october

Tuesday, October 1, 2019



Moving
I can't write this entry without screaming very loudly in my head. On the day this post goes live I will be moving into a house with my favorite boys. It's the start of my birthday month, which is usually a mournful time for me. No matter how the day goes, I've got my hopes set to form a happy life with the ones I love.

This month is big for me! I'm turning 31 later during the month and I've got a Twenty One Pilots concert I'm freaking out about on the 1st of November. Jesus take the wheel! We'll be seeing Melanie Martinez play her K-12 tour the following well. I'm not ready!

The move finally happened. I had a really intense and eventful day as I moved out of Los Angeles after living there since I first settled. I had a really emotional personal moment where I wanted a piece of me to remain behind in the place I learned so many life lessons in, so I painted strand of my hair into the wall outside my bedroom. It's not visible under the thick paint, but even when someone lives their life there I preserve a very small part of myself in my old crow's nest. I do things like this when it matters.

The crisp and light winds of change carried me through an intense five hour move. I had a surprising pleasant time after all the packing was done. I got really lucky with my movers, we all got along and they set my new space up to look like I had already been living there. I'll be moving things around to my liking, but they did an amazing job and I am happy I went with that option.

I had some interesting conversations and situations happen to me as the day transpired. It felt really good to experience such a dramatic change sweep through. It feels like pulling this off was a personal achievement. I introduced myself to my new mail man, who was confused he had mail for a house 'no one lived in.' Hi, I'm Gloom and I haunt this house now. Going to spark a celebratory bowl and relax.






The beams of pure joy radiating from me were so great. Now I'm cozying up to enjoy the rest of my night. I'm going to play some Tetris Effect tonight to keep the celebration going. Tomorrow I have an appointment to go take my driver's license test; I have put it off since I moved to Los Angeles. It is still on my list of important things to take care of. Look at me, going through some personal growth with an errand I've postponed for six years. The apartment I left was my shelter as I experienced real life in an aggressive way. I did a lot of growing there but also had to process loss and trauma. It was time to move on, I was ready to let it go. I'm going to live a new life now.

I am very excited about my next chapter, and hope you will accompany me as I go through it. Really looking forward to get settled in my new home. We have an amazing kitchen that I am excited to cook in. During the afternoons I'll take my tea and have breakfast by the garden in the dining room. We're really looking forward to get to know the new neighborhood and to enjoy better quality of life. It'll be a totally routine for me and I couldn't be more excited.

Mr. Robot
The new season is starting this month. I have been waiting for it since the last episode of the last season aired. The fans are all very excited to find out how it ends. How will Elliot Alderson say goodbye to his friend?

I find the writing to this series complete. You get good story, deep characters you love and hate to let go. I am crazy about Sam Esmail's experimental film techniques and urge everybody to check it out. It's a really underrated show. The inner commentary is pure gold, and has been responsible for deep introspection. This show sends my entire world spinning.






Disneyland
Trip to Disneyland October 8th.

The drive to Anaheim was about an hour. Chris and I listened to our Disneylandbound playlist. After checking into our hotel we went out to dinner with his uncle and a rather large squad. We had a nice time in Downtown Disney, then we made our way back to the hotel to relax before what would come to be a round-the-clock adventure. The next morning we made our way to the park, to be greeted by Disney jack-o-lanterns for Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, Pluto. There were banners to indicate that it is the special “HalloweenTime” in Disneyland. I was delighted!

The first thing I did is head on over to the Starbucks to get some coffee, admiring the sixteen casually playing recognizable tunes right outside. The coffee shop was full in the morning, and had Halloweentime menu items such as Maleficent Frappucino and Dr. Facilier Elixir. The Malecifent Frappucino has blueberry and vanilla bean creme frappe blended with diced dragonfruit; topped with matcha tea whipped cream. The Dr. Facilier Elixir has layered chai tea and lemonade iced beverage topped with a splash of passion fruit tea.

After the coffee shop, we walked around the park and took in all of the changes. I was absolutely delighted. Jack Skellington sat atop a jack-o-lantern pumpkin admiring a snowflake. The entire Haunted Mansion was decorated very elaborately with wreaths, candles and spiderwebs. Inside the graphics had changedi into a Nightmare Before Christmas theme, and much of the ride was different. You could smell the gingerbread house all the way from where we were sitting. They make a new one every year, and this one was celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Haunted Mansion. We had such a great time, we went through it twice.

The Halloweentime ghosts inside the Haunted Mansion made the ride more special. I got a lot of chances to take photos to remember it by. We had walked around quite a bit. After perusing the store with Nightmare Before Christmas merch, we made our way to Galaxy's Edge. We went on Smuggler's Run and I got 100% accuracy as an engineer. I got an appointment at Oga's Cantina where I enjoyed Bantha's Blue Milk and the Fuzzy Tauntaun. The robot that was originally used to pilot Star Tours was the DJ. Nice upgrade!

After that we went on Indiana Jones. A 30 minute standby wait for it went really fast. I enjoy talking to Chris very much, and am happy that we can spend so much time together having fun the entire time. We had a hearty pasta lunch at Pizza Planet and went on the fearsome Hyperspace Mountain. It was Chris' first time going on it in its current incarnation. It was a bit rough for me this time around, but I was smiling in the photo they took.

As night fell we were very sore. We went to Oga's Cantina together and had a great time chatting and enjoying the environment. Further into the night we went into Savi's Workshop. During the workshop I smiled a whole lot. They make it special for you. After a ritualistic experience we emerged, delighted, with our own custom lightstabers. I wonder what would happen if we were to walk around with them where we would be seen by the first order. I got a Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas pen with Zero on it. It as illustrations of Vampire Teddy on it. We walked out of the park at closing time, basking in the afterglow of a perfect date. We had a great time.









Something that stands true after a visit to Disneyland is that you start to miss the environment of the park. It has hosted some of the best adventures I have had in California to date. I enjoy quiet time connecting to nature and romance in the mountain forests, but I do also really love theme parks. Life has thrown me a few surprises since I first went back in 2018, but it's always fun when I'm there!

We love the park so much that we got these Magic Candle Company candles. We got the Haunted Mansion candle and the Pirate Life candle so far. Throughout the day we light the wick to experience a little bit of that Disney magic in our personal lives. The musty vanilla scent is to die for! We're addicted. We ended up purchasing the Pirate's Life and Splash candles since then.

003 welcome to derry

Tuesday, September 3, 2019



In 2016 I went to see It: Chapter I with Niki and Dean. I found the movie to be elegant but very very dark. The stories pulled at my heart strings, and I found the events inside the old house stressful. It was every bit the creepy thriller I hoped it would be. I had my hand held, which I was grateful for. That was the first time I've had that sense of comfort. I had a great adventure that day, so I'm glad I get to continue the adventure.

This time I get to enjoy the movie with Chris, and I am very excited for it. We're watching it this coming Thursday. One of our last night caps before we move under the same roof together.

One of the many perks to living in Los Angeles is all the cool pop-up events we get to enjoy. Some of them end up becoming permanent, such as the Scum and Villainy Cantina in Hollywood. It'll likely be our destination right after going to see Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker in theaters next December. Much excite!

On August 27th we made our way to Hollywood for the IT: Chapter II experience. We dropped by the Cabo Cantina to delight in margaritas and fajitas first, because priorities... and had a delightful time together. Chris buddied up with the bartender and I got my Pokémon Go fix. As we left the bar we made our way down the Hollywood walk of fame, braving the scorching Los Angeles summer heat and a less than kind staff. It wasn't really very long before the group was pushed into the swirling candy cane red and white room. The portal to the dark experience.





We participated in the water gun game. I won the ring toss which got me a special poster that we will be framing in our new space. The carnival had creepy emcees telling us we were not likely to make it out alive. In we went, hypnotized by the candy stripe red and white spirals. It didn't take very long before we were in darkness and our beloved Los Angeles was left behind. The environment is delightful, creepy. It would be best if you got to go through it in pairs, but our group was polite and pleasant to be around.

Room through room we went, passing through many of the rooms and feelings from the movie. We got a few sneak peaks without them being spoilers. None of which I should really talk about, but in one of them I got to crank the jack-in-the-box lever. The experience probably scared me the most when the bugs came out around Chinese take out boxes strewn on a round table. I wasn't ready. It got the scream out of me that cranking the jack-in-the-box lever didn't. Pennywise's riot through the room was every bit what you'd want from the fearsome dancing clown. Loud, abrupt and fast. After we survived the tour, we got a shirt and lapel pins. We made our way back smiling. It was really cool despite the wait in the scorching heat. It was a great moment as we wound down our mint and rose-colored synthwave summer. A fun experience overall.

002 synthwave summer

Monday, August 19, 2019



Oregon Trip
Chris and I flew to Oregon and drove to Washington to stay in a lovely house by the river. The trip got started on a high note as we enjoyed drinks at the airport. I had a blended drink similar to an Adios, but it was more sugary and also more potent. He had a double shot of whiskey with Coca-Cola. The time we spent sitting at the bar felt like a romantic date. I was happy to be going on an adventure, since I didn't know what to expect. Going to a forest town is a desirable experience for me and this one proved to be rewarding.

We cracked discrete jokes during the plane ride and rode calmly. It was my first time traveling on a plane with a significant other. I spent most of it playing Fire Emblem: Three Houses. I didn't notice time was passing. It wasn't very long before we had arrived. The airport was nice, laid back and had a friendly vibe. The staff made conversation with us. It was nice. The ride to the house was even nicer. Fobby blankets wove around the trees. It was a green, brown and gray sight. The trees were so tall and beautiful. I felt like I was living in a dream.







On our first night there I was pretty nervous. It was my first time meeting Chris' parents. They were lovely; made us feel right at home and opened the doors of their home to welcome me into the family. I felt very comfortable in their space and loved their band of mischievous sphynx cats: Monkey, Mylo, Macy, and Mouton. Monkey is my favorite because he looks like a villain with his hooked elf ears and his icy blue eyes. He was the first of the cats to cuddle in my lap. I believe he was there for a few hours. All the others enjoyed sitting on my laptop keyboard, which I am used to from Teemo and Frost. I am the sphynx cat whisperer.

I fell into a routine I quite enjoyed. Getting up before Chris and slipping into a hidden room to work. I'd pull my daily card and write diary entries while enjoying the natural light and the blue jays hopping around in the back yard. There were all kinds of birds living there, making my work days more pleasant. I'd slip out to join them for breakfast, video games and chasing the four sphynx cats around the house.The food we had was amazing every single day. Savory delights and time spent enjoying the present moment.







On Friday night we hopped in the car and drove out to the river where we had dinner at Clark & Lewie's. I had mimosas while Chris delighted in his whiskey. As we spoke the thunder rolled into the river and the other guests were very excited for the light show. We had a pleasant dinner with a storm brewing all around us, talking about our lives and sharing a romantic moment together. On the way back we stopped for some wine and to my dismay the black cherries I had seen the day prior had sold out. You won't believe this, but when we got to the house his family had us try some tacos they had made. I regret nothing. The tacos were amazing.

During this trip I got to meet Chris' lively uncle, with a personality so big he reminded me of people back home in Puerto Rico. His wife was very nice, and so were Chris' parents, grandmother and brother. Despite it being so busy we also got to spend time alone together, which made me feel very happy. We made plans to go to Disneyland with his uncle in October, adding to the stack of plans we've made for the autumn. I'm very excited! This is my most favorite season and I get to spend it with my beloved doing things we both love.

On our last day in town we went out to lunch for another date, just missing a store that had vintage toys, games, comics, music, etc. Peering through the boarded up windows we could tell it was a time machine and that we would have loved looking through its time worn treasures, but it wasn't meant to be this time around. Another time, perhaps. We snuck some Pokémon Go time before heading back to the house to prepare for travel.


At the airport we got matching cat pins. We sat at a bar and I brainstormed for this blog, going over some of my plans for my creative career. As I told him about the issues I was having with being consistent in my art, the bartender chimed in with his own two cents. It was the perfect way to wind down our trip. I felt my heart had soothed and my future was molding back into one that I could be excited about. I am very happy that I get to share my life with a guy that I love this much.

The Midnight
The Midnight at The Novo Sept 27. It's our third time watching this band play live.
♡♡