036 tyldwick tarot

Monday, November 2, 2020



The Tyldwick Tarot is the pioneering project of the Malpertuis brand. It was envisioned and created by Neil Lovell, a creative artisan I wish I would have spent more time corresponding with. He was an amazing artist and academic, incredibly intelligent and with an eagle eye for beauty. He breathed life into very special projects, illustrations that take you to places near and far, as well as places that can only ever exist in your imagination. The masterful use of color, pattern and what I think to be digital collage creates spaces that whisper information to you. How wonderful that the whispers are personalized and meant to advise you on your own life, and the lives of your sitters. I regret not asking Neil more questions about his projects, I took for granted the aspect of time. But he will live on in his card decks. He found magic in the world and he had the tools to harness that magic to make it a utility. I wonder where these places are, and if the people walking through the halls or casually standing by the fountains know that we use these places to derive meaning and convey moods or mindsets. Probably not, but there lies part of the magic. ✨

035 xxxii

Saturday, October 31, 2020



Signing in, basking in the afterglow of my birthday celebration.

I spent the day before listening to and loving the new Ghostemane album titled Anti-Icon. The album consists of 36 minutes of rage, sadness, being fed up with reality, and very dark content. As somebody who anticipated the release for months prior, I felt the album justified my seemingly endless wait. All of the subsequent listens filled the rest of the details in. I've already got my favorite lyrics from the songs. I've been listening to it since it came out and it has done my spirit a world of good. ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’œ

034 the legend of the wizard laird lenormand

Monday, October 12, 2020



The Legend of the Wizad Laird Lenormand
by Neil Lovell of Malpertuis arrived today. I knew what the package contained immediately when I saw the Malpertuis logotype on the label. I hugged the package to my chest after I pulled it out of the receptacle. Mine at last, a Lenormand deck I thought I would never ever have the pleasure to handle. I acquired the deck in both the full and poker sizes. The full size is the same as the Old Arabian Lenormand. The poker size is the same size as the Malpertuis Lenormand. There is no loss of detail despite the different format. Upon closer look, the poker size was reformatted to also fit the entire image in the frame. And they both look stunning. What a sight! I think this deck conveys a somber mood beautifully. It feels stormy and autumnal. A great deck for when moods shadow your insides. ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿณ๐Ÿ‹๐ŸŒ‘๐ŸŒ‘

033 autumnal nostalgia

Monday, October 5, 2020



October is already here. I was born in October and I hold this season's festivities very close to my heart. Lately I have been contemplating the lessons I learned since I entered my 30s. I have learned the value of self-reliance, self-awareness and independence. I struggled the most with learning to be self-sufficient during an unprecedented time. Despite all that I made it through. I am practicing stressing less over the circumstances that are outside my control, and that keeps me purposeful. If I left my thoughts to go idle, who knows what kind of trouble I'd have to sort out on my own. Still, I did my best. ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‘ป

032 stargazing

Sunday, October 4, 2020



My subscription to FFXIV still needs to be renewed, and I haven't really had the time to play the game in the past couple of weeks. But here are some screen shots from the last night I got the chance to play it. I finally unlocked the Black Mage class, but I've yet to earn my class clothes. The identifying uniform with the steepled hat is yet to be mine, but will be soon... ๐ŸŽฉ

031 sweeping autumnal winds

Tuesday, September 29, 2020



The spirit of renewal has graced me with another visit. My birthday is coming up. Soon it will have been a whole year since I started this blog, which is hard to believe. I'm still filling it in. This space came together better than in my day dreams. I am very happy with being able to share multiple interests and having the proper categories to fit all the subjects in. I am making lots of new content in terms of creative design and illustration. The approach of the designs are conceptual, and I have some portraits I painted this year that I would like to share. When you finally get to see it you will understand how much work has gone into making something enjoyable to experience. I am really interested in sharing my illustration work. ๐ŸŽจ✨

30 the legend of the wizard laird lenormand

Sunday, September 27, 2020



If you are in need of some good news, look no further. I have a momentous announcement to make: Neil Lovell's brother, Joe Lovell published the The Legend of the Wizard Laird Lenormand. Not only that, he's offering them in two sizes! I haven't rushed my butt cheeks over to a checkout cart so fast in months. This deck is hauntingly beautiful, and I just know for sure it will be a rock star when it comes to readings. The news of this deck being a posthumous launch makes it a huge deal for us cartomancy lovers. If it had not been for Joe, we would just not have had the pleasure. It brings me solace to know he will keep the Malpertuis legacy alive, and that the Tyldwick Tarot is now being reprinted. ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ’ฅ

029 hellboy mixtape

Friday, September 25, 2020



It's an exciting day for Lil Peep fans. The fifth and final mixtape Hellboy dropped across all digital streaming platforms for the first time. It is a surreal experience to hear everything crisp and clear. The songs are largely untouched, they didn't change things around very much. It all sounds great. I am overcome by emotion as I hear the details clearer than ever. It sounds amazing!!! ๐Ÿ’–

028 gloomville fashion

Wednesday, September 16, 2020



I've been so busy, buy boy have I got a treat for you!๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ’ฅ About a week ago I finally broke open the custom designs app in Animal Crossing: New Horizons and I created a series of outfits with animals on them. I drew different color variations of a white cat, a black cat and a white rabbit. The reason this whole fever even started is because I offered to make my friend Koonellu a custom outfit. She sent me some screen shots wearing it and I felt so happy to see it on her avatar.

027 eorzea scouting

Wednesday, September 9, 2020


Slowly progressing through the story. At times I get overwhelmed with how big the world of Eorzea is. Gurl it's massive! The amount of tasks you can do in this game are staggering. I named my chocobo Whisper. Despite often forgetting to take him out while I lurk the open world, he's adorable. He helps me battle. I love that I get a sidekick chocobo I get to call every time I use gysahl greens. They should bring back chocobo hot and cold. The mount is very helpful, it levels up beside you and becomes more competent in battle as the levels progress. How cool is that?

When I get a pet in-game I want it to be a moogle. It would be so nice to call it Mog. I think I'll name it either Atla or Monev, after the quest that I couldn't complete back in Y2k. At the time I didn't think Cleyra's Trunk was a temporary stage, but I quickly learned. At least I got it done the next three playthroughs. See, it's all about learning from your mistakes. ๐ŸŒš๐ŸŒš

026 gloomville grave site & fashion

Sunday, August 30, 2020


This week got exciting. Before you ask me, yes. I added another skull to the island map. Yes, it's different than the previous two. Yes, there will be more of them coming. A friend of mine wanted one and ended up making a really giant one on his island. It's really epic, I wish I had the space for one that big on Gloomville๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ. Now that the island is taking shape I am able to find areas that have potential for more terraforming projects. I don't want to get too out of hand or over the top with what I add to the island next given it will be prone to clutter. I also really like watching idle areas with little visual appeal become star attractions. There was a cavity in the mountainous area of the island that I repurposed into a skull lake. ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’œ

025 exploring eorzea

Thursday, August 27, 2020



So as it turns out Square-Enix took the story very seriously in this game, and while you could skip it like I want to do, it's worth listening and tuning in. I definitely don't like the time-consuming aspects of watching clips, but they have so far been building up the tension. I guess I'm just not much of a story person. I've also been exploring adjacent cities to the one I started out in. I really like how users gather in the main square and do mob dances, or dance in outrageous outfits to call attention. A good laugh for sure. I have seen a lot of contrast between cute and serious styles of design and illustration. I laugh a little whenever a character is dressed super out of place when compared to the others in a room. Very Final Fantasy of them, I must say. It's just on brand. ๐ŸŒต

024 i think i'll make another waterfall

Wednesday, August 26, 2020



Couldn't wait another week, had to make a new skull waterfall right away. Its been a few days since I've had it, and I think it is really enhancing the look of my island. I love seeing Gloomville completely filled with flowers. I love the positive response of players visiting my island and the satisfaction of knowing my hard work has been appreciated. Animal Crossing: New Horizons just keeps getting better and better. This game brings all of the smiles necessary to keep your week real sweet and tarty.๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿง๐Ÿจ๐Ÿฉ

Akihabara, Taito City, Tokyo, Japan

023 final fantasy fxiv

Thursday, August 20, 2020



OKAY! I finally caved and bought Final Fantasy XIV. As it turns out I bought a PS4 in 2015 so that I could play Kingdom Hearts III and FFXIV. I didn't get to play either one of those games until I had already had the console for two years, lol.๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’• It sat gathering quite a bit of dust for a while... And still is, actually... It didn't all work out quite like I planned it, I want you to know why this game is meaningful for me. My friends told me I needed a keyboard, and despite having one with Bluetooth enabled I never made it past the intro to Eorzea. I played games I really loved on my PS4, but unfortunately this game was not one of them. Chris has very gently tried to persuade me to join, but all it really took was the motivation to decide I was okay investing boatloads of time into a new MMORPG. I squealed internally the entire time I was registering a Square-Enix account because the Final Fantasy universe is the most detailed and complete; it has many layers of gameplay with really sultry character designs. There's nothing like their creatures and world/city names. In my lifetime these very things have inspired me to create many things, form web sites to character portraits. Square-Enix has made games I love time and time again, only that this time they made a game swarms of players can interact in. The instances are very fun and garnished by jokes from the tanks or healers, I've been pet gently once (Gloomy Cat), and I've had the chance to see an illustration style I love more flushed out and lively than I remember. Any animation that really comes alive before me will captivate my attention and keep me returning to the game time and time again.

022 gloomville's skull waterfall

Tuesday, August 18, 2020



I've been playing Animal Crossing:New Horizons whenever I have some spare time... which isn't often, but I still try to squeeze it in. I've also been organizing upcoming tour exchanges with friends, and having people over to shop for flowers. We keep the party rolling as we can. I updated all my beaches and added new features to the island, the most exciting of which is a new skull waterfall. After enjoying it for about a week now I have decided I must make another one. May they continue to multiply.

021 introducing the gathering magic tarot

Sunday, August 9, 2020



On October 5, 2018 I downloaded the Magic: The Gathering Arena. I played through the tutorials and started learning the mechanics of the current meta game. The first deck I settled on was an Azorius Senate deck called Wing and Claw, which I took apart and put back together. It had Azor the Lawbringer which I really loved playing. I took the low cost cards for starters and replaced them with some that cost the same but had an extra benefit. From there I started winning games and raising in the ranks of competitive play. I re-named the deck Magic Seal and went on to have some really great games with it. I went on to make a White deck that focused on angels and later had Gideon Blackblade. Then I made a Golgari Crypt deck with some really great results as well. I really took to the game and it became a habit of playing multiple times a day with great results, and lots of time spent. I love MTG and I play it to unwind from a long day of work.

020 lenormand, tarot, spanish naipes card meanings

Monday, August 3, 2020



I have decided to share the meanings I have been using throughout my career in my blog. These meanings were the foundation for my journey as a diviner who specializes in the art of predicting future outcomes and events.

Please enjoy.

CARD MEANINGS
Lenormand
Tarot
Spanish Naipes

019 intro to tarot

Friday, July 10, 2020



I have avoided the subject long enough. It's time to talk about one of my most favorite activities ever.

When I was little I used to play with my father's playing card dice set. It had a shaker with the same felt from casino tables in red or black. A toddler handling everyday objects will run with their imagination. I had a passion for divination long before I ever picked up the practice. It was always in the background as I was growing up. Upon arrival to my grandparents house I would be greeted by carved wooden statues. Elaborate incense holders, large bibles, saint statues, rosaries, foreign objects on the shelves I could not identify still today. Sรฉance, espiritismo, centro de espiritista, la virgen Marรญa, etc. were all words my family members exchanged quite frequently; casually. To me, those weird and taboo subjects were not threatening or scary. They were part of my life.

To me it made sense to learn, and I did so alone. I had my family's consent to dabble, and to me that was all I needed. I got into it before it blew up on the Internet. Back then there were no helpful blogs or Youtube tutorials. All we had were books. My heart thumped violently in my chest before I freed the cards from their box for the very first time. I was overcome with emotion the first time I held them. The learning process started with Rachel Pollack's written collaboration with Dave McKean for the Vertigo Tarot booklet. The first tarot deck I ever read for somebody else with was the Voyager Tarot by Dr. James Wanless. In 2003 I had my first tarot reading done professionally, and it was carried out by La Gitana Patricia. She used a first edition of the Rohrig Tarot, a deck I came back to find had worn out so greatly that it no longer bore illustrations. They faded out beyond recognition the last time I held them. She read for thousands of people with them.

018 fire emblem: three houses

Thursday, June 18, 2020


Fire Emblem: Three Houses
came out July 26, 2019. At the time I had not pre-ordered because I always found the game available on release day in the mall I would go to. Well this time that wasn't the case, so we tried everywhere from Target to Best Buy to get it. We visited several GameStop locations. We grabbed lunch afterwards, and made our way back as quickly as possible. He tethered his Switch to the television and I played mine handheld, because that's how I roll. (Probably thanks to the Nintendo 3DS XL I lugged around daily until the Switch came out...) ๐ŸŽฎ๐ŸŒˆ

The first Fire Emblem game I ever played and loved was Fire Emblem: Awakening. I was immediately hooked with gameplay, graphics, character designs, and story. Of course my favorite in the series is Tharja. ๐Ÿ’œ I have played many Fire Emblem games since then...

017 gloomville

Monday, June 1, 2020



Animal Crossing: New Horizons has been the real star of 2020 for me. I am still engrossed as I was on March 20th when I pulled off the wrapper and pushed the cartridge into my Switch console. I haven't taken the game cartridge out since. It goes without saying the game could not have come out at a better time!

016 pandemic

Monday, May 25, 2020



Decided to come out of the trenches to say hi. Its been a while, hasn't it? Surviving extreme hermitdom has mad many, many ups and downs. I never thought this would be something I would experience in my lifetime... but here we are. I strive to be less negative every day.

015 hybrid flower bonanza

Saturday, April 25, 2020



Just had to force myself away from the loving grip of my Nintendo Switch console. And, boy was that a challenge... I'm hooked!!!

Animal Crossing: New Horizons has given me the opportunity to spend time with my friends from abroad, and to make many new friends online. The online community is extremely active and kind. I have only had positive experiences so far.This game is awesome! More things to come for it... I'm looking forward to the coffee shop and to see Reese again. Reese was my favorite NPC in Animal Crossing: New Leaf. We got real close with all those transactions... I am so obsessed that I play the game for over 7 hours a day. I am having a great time playing it.

014 animal crossing new horizons

Monday, March 30, 2020



The game of the season is finally here. I pre-ordered it a couple of weeks before launch date. With the pandemic going on, Amazon sent me an e-mail on the 18th past midnight. They said the release wouldn't arrive until later that week. After that egregious slap in the face I promptly cancelled my pre-order and ordered again from Game Stop. My order arrived on the 20th just after 3 P.M., and it made a moody day considerably better. These days have been quite tough. Los Angeles is currently being hit by the virus. The cases just keep sky-rocketing, and people working at ICU are overwhelmed. Our quarantine status has been extended until April 30th. Double the time. We estimate things may start to return to normal around June. I think it'll be a drag until August.

The game starts out checking you checked in for your flight. Before your flight has landed you can glimpse at your native fruit. The first thing you do is get settled with your tent. From there you dive into the tutorials, gathering resources and crafting tools. You can harvest fruit once every three days for a profit, and in between days can be spent chopping wood, hitting rocks and selling fish or bugs. Whenever I've got energy to keep going after exhausting my island's resources, I head on over to the airport to visit adjacent mystery isles. The first time I flew out, I met Stitches but didn't talk. I wanted to be surprised by the villagers that moved in.

My first five are Coach, Sylvia, Drago, Peanut, and Coco. Out of them all, Drago is my favorite. I am on the hunt for Alli, Bunnie, Lily, Muffy, Pietro, Diana, Eunice, Punchy, and Lucky. One of my friends I met online has Pietro. Every time I go to her island I chat him up. His house looks like a theme park in the clouds. It's super cute!

013 calamity



SOCIAL REPOSE
Social Repose is an independent music powered by Richie Giese. Social Repose was started in 2011. He spent about four years getting set up and making music before he started getting noticed. In the summer of 2016 I had a friend send me a link to his channel, where I found many great covers. I found  his content to be for a much younger audience, but his body of music to be getting stronger. His covers are all amazing, and often improve upon the original songs. After that I jumped on the bandwagon and started getting acquainted with his music.

A few months later I saw him at the White Oak Music Hall, which as anything but. It was a pretty run down show, and I didn't get to see him play when he was at the Viper Room in 2019. I met him during his Yalta tour, a few months before the release of Filthy Pride. Spoken to him one on one a couple of times, and find him easy to relate to. He is very polite to his fans, and happens to be a great conversationalist.

The appeal lies in the unapologetic showcasing of his battle with his inner demons. The heavy strokes of sadness and anxiety give fans an anchor to hold onto when caught in their own trenches. Even if I don't agree with his personal choices, I can detach myself from him as a person and enjoy his music. What he chooses to do or say towards his partners doesn't concern me, so I don't look to dig in there. We owe the people we admire privacy, and it really isn't our place to tell them what to do or how to live their lives.

012 playing card oracles

Saturday, March 21, 2020


Are you looking for a worthwhile or productive way to kill some time? Have you been wanting to dabble with a cool card system that doesn't necessarily delve into the realms of tarot? Are you looking for a reliable way to predict future outcomes?

I am a passionate fan of C.J. Freeman's works. He was a visionary the likes of no other. In the book The Playing Card Oracles: A Source Book for Divination by Ana Cortez, you can find different approaches to take to card reading and divination.

The source book written by Ana Cortez turns anybody who commits to it into a skilled playing card reader with experience in geomancy. It is thorough in detail and offers an abundance of wealth.  It will change your life. (It changed mine.)

She reveals the secrets and stories behind the suits: we are introduced to the courts by name and personal attributes.Research will delight you with discoveries of secrets that have long been hiding in plain sight. With complete meanings and spreads, it all comes together quite nicely. Once you are ready for something more advanced, you will learn the relevance of geomancy when reading with playing cards. You will learn about geomantic figures and casting charts based off the figures you generate. The cherry on top is a selection of essays written by C.J. Freeman to educate you on the history of playing cards. It offers great discoveries he made through his study of cards, and he graciously shares this valuable information with us in the essay.



C.J. Freeman
was Ana Cortez's father, and the visionary that brought his dreams into reality. He illustrated the Alchemy Edition in larder than life oil paintings, and it was ironically painted before the vintage edition of the Playing Card Oracles was. From what Ana Cortez told us in the Underworld courses that used to be available for her students. I have both editions of the deck and sometimes think about making my own. The system is really remarkable and fun to work with. I can't recommend it enough. You can also find Ana Cortez on her Youtube channel and at her official web site. I have spent a lot of time watching Ana's videos. They taught me a lot while I was still learning.

Something I like about this system is that it can be read with any deck of playing cards. I personally wouldn't use one for games as well as divination, but it's possible to do if you want to. It's very cool because playing cards come with all sorts of art, like tarot. You can buy any deck that you like and use it purposefully. It'll make the experience feel more your own. I use some Dondorf decks, and my favorite one when I am not using the Playing Card Oracles vintage edition is Otto Tragy's Art Nouveau playing cards set. Another very beautiful set is Faulkner's Shakespeare playing cards set. Unfortunately I haven't been able to get a set of the Shakespeare playing cards yet, but I expect to someday...



No matter which deck you pick up, it's going to be worth it. I promise that you'll get something really great out of it! If you're curious and have the time, head on over and check out the Playing Card Oracles book. I can't recommend it to you enough!

And if you end up reading and you like it, leave me a comment and tell me what you thought of it. It would mean very much to me to read your testimonials!

Until then, stay safe and keep your loved ones close. Stay inside, and avoid this terrible virus. Speak soon...

011 pandemonium

Thursday, March 19, 2020



Let's talk.

There's really no easy way to talk about this, but I've got some things to say and I think it's time to pass some opinions forward into the Internet. At the moment there is a newfound virus spreading throughout the globe at the same time as a very stressful presidential primary election. There are scary terms being thrown around such as lock down, martial law, quarantine, social distancing, and sold out grocery stores.

SURVIVAL GUIDE:
♡ Freeze perishables(fruits and vegetables,) and produce. Cut bread loafs up to freeze as well.
♡ Acquire sources of protein still readily available. Keep an eye out for delivery services and plan them out a week or so in advance to when you project you will find yourself in need of more.
♡ Consider growing some food from home with indoor or outdoor gardening areas. There are many tutorials online to growing food with limited spaces if that is an issue.
♡ Check in on the elders you know and ask them if they need anything.
♡ Take the warnings seriously. Keep up to date with the news and word of mouth information outlets.
♡ Arrange video chat calls, phone calls, or text your loved ones. Keep in touch. Let your friends know you're doing okay.
♡Stay in.

Going forward I think there will be some subtle but still noticeable differences affecting our lifestyle. Random items we have come to see as everyday items may go out of stock for some periods of time or increase in rarity and therefore price.


The mental hurdles I experience lately are great. On one hand I am trying to stay present and quietly making preparations for long term sustenance and survival. On the other hand, I've been concerned and anxious. I haven't been able to stay focused quite as well as I'd like. Last week started with volunteering for the Bernie Sanders campaign, and being able to go anywhere I needed to. Come Wednesday I left in the morning to buy groceries, a trip that was already necessary as I had started to run out of ingredients necessary for my cooking. That day the shelves were still stocked. I only took what was necessary, but I did purchase food for an extra week. I went home thinking we had all we needed for three weeks. Inside myself I was plagued by the questions of whether that would be enough. I went home and froze all my bread (3 loafs), chicken and fish. Eventually I froze cilantro, garlic and onions. It took a lot of time to Tetris it all into the fridge, but I did it.

I think the issue will last 5—7 months. I think that for a year or so there will be random shortages and needs to be met. I think in some cases we will notice setbacks and much less abundance. We'll all be living a bit tightly during this difficult time. Let's hope prices don't skyrocket with inflation...

The election was very stressful for me, I was emotionally invested in the Democratic primaries for the first time ever in my life. I avoided getting involved with politics and voting from the moment I turned of legal age, partly because I didn't feel any of the candidates spoke for me or the kind of progress I wanted to count on in my future. For the most part I have been apathetic to politics my entire life, but this year that changed. The primaries were going on around the time US cities begun the quarantine and shut down public commerce.

While there is foreseeable looming, there will also be new consequences stemming from these events that we haven't yet realized are coming. I think the coronavirus pandemic will be an event that is talked about in the next decade to come. I, myself feel a lot of empathy for all the people aggressively being forced to mourn one to a few members of their family. No matter where you are from you will hear of a friend, co-worker or you, yourself may have the misfortune of having a story of loss to add to the pile. It is important that we hold safe space for these people and listen to them. Comfort them if it feels appropriate, but just let them process their emotions and all the pain that comes with an invisible plague that tears your stability from you. It is an extremely difficult time for some, and they should not have to carry their burdens alone. The least we can do is help when possible by lending an ear for a phone call or investing some time tending to them in live video chat feeds.

As for the future, related things that I think about that I want to share have to do with time passing. I wonder if any of the changes society faces will be more permanent. I wonder what some of the unforeseen changes will be. Will we now more consciously keep sanitation stations in public places? Will we prepare for future possibilities of infection? Will regulations be placed on markets selling rare produce with high risk of contagion? Can people stop eating bats, please?

Growing up I never had the fear of a world war or a catastrophe more serious than a category 5 hurricane. I didn't live through category 6 hurricanes Irma or Maria, so I can't add that to my list of events survived, but I did survive the behemoth hurricane Hugo (September 10, 1989 – September 25, 1989)  and by then the powerhouse that was hurricane Georges (September 15, 1998 – October 1, 1998.) The experiences that I lived in 1998 prepared me for grim times. Since the hurricane made landfall, I didn't have electric or water service for 7 months after the storm. I lived by candle light, took bucket and sponge baths, and spent my nights reading Harry Potter books with a CD player endlessly looping the Marshall Mathers LP. I remember reading Wishbone, Animorphs and Goosebumps books. I wasn't cool back then.

Another thought I've been entertaining is the concept of freedom. When I could go outside and interact with the world, I would occasionally but it wasn't very important. I wasn't limited. Now that I have only the realms contained within the 4 walls of this house to move around in, I feel a little trapped. The irrational—or is it?—fear of food shortage weighs on me, as does the idea that curfews and lock downs may be a common part of my routine in the future. Why do we pay athletes more than scientists? Why don't we give the working class free healthcare? Why are we funding the lifestyles and filling all these extra, unnecessary pockets those billionaires greedily collect? Why don't the people move to take command of their freedom and rights?

I want to be in nature. I want to feel the cool water of the pure river waters of El Yunque.

Grateful all my friends are safe, and my family members are adhering to the rules of social distancing. I miss my friends, and yearn for time spent with them. My heart is with all of you as we go through this at the same time. Let this be a reminder that our life is a spendable resource, and we need to be precious with it if we want the privilege of walking the Earth.

I'm going to end this blog entry with a link to the  www.propublica.org article that I found insightful and serious:
A Medical Worker Describes Terrifying Lung Failure From COVID-19 — Even in His Young Patients.

Much to say, much time to spend. Invest it wisely and stay safe, friends. Stay away from others.

010 everybody's everything

Wednesday, March 11, 2020





Before I ever even heard Lil Peep's music, I couldn't get past his crude Love:( tattoo. His general appearance seemed unkept to me, and made me dismiss him any real seriousness towards his music.. When I first saw Lil Peep, what I saw was the Crybaby tattoo, broken heart tattoo, anarchy sign tattoo, and his blonde hair. Like armor it didn't let me get through to see the real person behind the ink. I said to myself that his face looked like a detention desk, and didn't think to check his music out. I assumed it would be about guns and picking fights with other people. A few years later I heard of his passing and found it tragic. In August of 2018, Social Repose made a cover of the song "Save that Shit". It was stuck in my head, looping. I couldn't get enough of the cover, and then I listened to the real song and was blown away. I heard Cry Alone, Falling Down, Runaway, and then I fell into the Come Over When You're Sober Pt. II album. I listened to it obsessively the rest of that year, and my love for Lil Peep grew with every new posthumous release.

It was a real surprise for me, but the deep tones of sadness in his music were extremely relatable. Lil Peep was very honest about his vices and wasn't shy talking about the way he lived his life. I have noticed he constantly refers to women as hoes. He name dropped drugs casually and made very funny references to situations that occur during your rise to fame. While I do think you need to understand what depression and anxiety feel like to connect with his music, I think people who just enjoy the mix of emo beats with rap lyrics will fall into the music gracefully. For me personally the hook is in the crippling feeling of dealing with harsh realities, heartbreak and escapism to cope.

If there's something I gravitate towards, it's sadboy music. This kind of music helps me feel heard and seen, and much less alone. Roller coaster lives are challenging to live, as as a person who has lived one I admit I see the appeal to escapism or getting faded to be able to cope with stress. Sedation from intense feelings is soothing when accompanied by the right music. This kind of music.



EVERYBODY'S EVERYTHING

In this two hour documentary we get the opportunity to get to know Lil Peep better and to feel close to him as is possible through the leftover footage. I'm grateful that they were constantly recording what they were up to, because thanks to that we can get an inside look into his life. Not to judge, but to simply observe. I endorse empathy towards Lil Peep, whose real name was Gustav Elijah ร…hr. The documentary tells the story from how his career got started all the way to his death. This documentary features graphic drug use, guns and shows his lifeless body, both at the tour bus he lost his life in and at his wake with his mother crying over him. The documentary makes you very emotional throughout, you can tell some people really saw him for his potential as well as for who he was. Some of the people around him really loved him, and the fans connected to him through his dark, honest music.

THE TOUGH EXTERIOR AND THE GENTILE SOUL WITHIN
People make the mistake of judging others for appearances; they get scared and maybe they will be critical or mean. I have heard, seen and experienced this myself. I've had strangers touch my waist,  hair, hands, wrists, and even my breasts. The unsolicited attention usually comes at me like arrows pierce through the air, it feels like a direct beeline from whichever spot they occupy in the shadows to my line of sight and to breach my personal space. People can't get past what they see, especially if you have an extreme image.



I find it interesting how Lil Peep piled the tattoos on so quickly. I heard he did it to ensure he would never work a normal job, but once it got to face tattoos that pretty much sealed the deal. (I personally endorse allowing people that are heavily tattooed thrive in high ranking corporate positions because the color of your skin is not synonymous with your potential.) Despite my initial reaction, I rather like his CryBaby face tattoo and admire his courage carrying these many flags for attention in a society where people are loose with their hands. I couldn't handle the pressure that comes from people disrespecting you because they don't agree with the way you present yourself or dress. The tattoo that really gets me is the one between his eyebrows.

Gus used to cry when his living quarters were constantly full of people and he was tired or wanted to be alone. He'd make his way to his bed only to find random people on his bed, and in every other corner of the place. He would cry to those close to him that he yearned for things to go back to the way they were so that he could enjoy a simpler life. So that he could be alone again. Imagine having somebody tailing you and being seen all the time, that puts a lot of pressure on people no matter how much they smile or how well the take it.HE HAD A FAMILY THAT LOVED HIM VERY MUCH
Gus
had lots of support from his mother and his grandfather. His grandfather would write him letters of advice and encouragement. The fragments of the letters read out loud on the documentary are very moving, reminding him he's cut out for something bigger and to prioritize taking care of himself. I can feel the affection through the advice given, and had that letter been addressed to me it would have for sure been a tear jerker. His grandfather had won a medal of freedom from the union of workers.

"I'm sorry about you bike being stolen. Let's just say that without planning to do it, we gave it for Christmas to a poor kid... but while I am in this world you're not going to go without a Christmas present. Even if it's not the same kind of little bike, we'll get you some wheel. Only remember, the best presents aren't things material things but qualities, experiences we cannot lose." — John Womack Jr., Gus' grandfather

His mother Liza Womack worried a lot about him, unable to get in touch with him unless he was the one calling. He would pop up every now and again when e was in trouble, and I heard it in her voice when she said knowing a stranger she hadn't yet met was with her son, accompanying him. Watching her hanging over his body was definitely very heart-breaking.

The general impression of Gus is that he was a free spirit and he was following his dreams, even when everybody around him couldn't yet see results. Gus chose Lil Peep even though his ex-girlfriend made fun of him for it. He did it because that's what his mother called him. That right there shows how close he was to his mother despite being free spirited and living in an underground world that she couldn't be a part of.

ABSENT FATHER
Something that I find very relatable about Gus' life is the absence of a father figure made up by closeness with his grandfather. His father was a coach and only really seemed to fill that role. When he left, Gus would barely talk about it but it seems when he did there would be pain there. Some kids are better off without a toxic parent in their lives. That doesn't mean the void left behind can be filled easily, especially if you grew up with it.

SCHEMABOYSS & GOTHBOICLIQUE
The SCHEMAPOSSE, also known as Schemaboyss or The Schema Coalition, was a collective of underground rappers and producers. SCHEMAPOSSE was founded in 2015 by JGRXXN, a few years after the big break up of RVIDXR KLAN in which JGRXXN was a member. Whole year of 2015 and early 2016 was the time for SCHEMAPOSSE with a line-up of over 40 artists from the underground rap scene. This is a very big scale group, although I'm not clear about how many people were part of it around the time Lil Peep was.

Gothboiclique is a group of what was ten 10 rappers that collaborated with one another. This was Lil Peep's group because he was following his friend Lil Tracy around, he just wanted to be close to Tracy really. That was his best friend before all the cash and the fame, the one who was always with Gus while he was homeless and struggling to make it. In my opinion, Lil Tracy was his only real true friend in GBC. I think after hounding Lil Peep to go on the Come Over When You're Sober tour, he caved because he couldn't say no to people. But in my opinion the ones who were there didn't have his back and were not looking out for him when he needed them to.

I heard that some of the people present heard Lil Peep making noise like he was struggling while he was passed out, and none of them thought to check on him. The guy who gave him the drugs laced with fentanyl thought they looked funny so he didn't take them. Instead, he gave them to Lil Peep. I wasn't there, but my opinion after doing research online and after watching this documentary is that they were high out of their minds and couldn't gain the clarity of mind necessary to be conscious of the fact time passed and their friend was unresponsive. They really dropped the ball with this one.

I don't think it was intentional, but I do think what happened was very irresponsible. And because of maybe not wanting to be caught with drugs on the tour bus, their friend is gone. But now so is the lifestyle they enjoyed with him.



DRUG PROBLEM

Lil Peep tried to party harder than his friends, pursuing that rock star life. He lived like a daredevil, and he had many strangers feeding him drugs to win his affection. What's worse, is he would take it. He could keep himself from doing drugs for a week, but when he went for it he went pretty hard. He would phase in and out of being lucid, but he would take too much and phase out of his life. Management came after him for it, but he would still run away and take the drugs. He only rebelled when they tried to put a stop to it.

DEPRESSION & ANXIETY
Gus spoke about having many insecurities, and got upset when people stared at him for his tattoos. He would get upset when people would judge him, it would really stress him out. When you think about it he was only 21 years old, he was a young guy dealing with the pressures of being famous and people wanting something from him, trying to use him. Crowding his room, so when he would be tired and looking to rest he would find people on his bed.So he would go and cry in his closet, imagine crying with your clothes hanging over you and people filling your entire house.

THE PAIN MAKES MONEY
Lil Peep started out by chipping in $30 per night for an Airbnb with his group of rapper pals. He was homeless for a while.  They treated the space like a party house and a place to do drugs. He ended up taking care of others, and allegedly there were people relying on him. he would pay for friends rent, buy them things. He was a true friend and he looked after those he was very close to. Because of his success he had people hovering over him. He was too nice to turn anybody away, say no. He feared he'd hurt their feelings. Imagine meeting somebody that kind. He needed to learn when to set limits and personal boundaries.

I enjoyed watching how his surroundings changed from these broken down houses and apartments to much more spacious places. The equipment changed, his style changed. Everything got a very noticeable upgrade. And he got more and more tattoos.



AFTER THE FACT
I haven't been a Lil Peep for very long. When his death was on the media it saddened me,though, because at 21 he barely experienced life. He didn't get to enjoy the potential growth of his career. I liked that artists made their own tributes to honor him, parting gifts for this free spirited musician. I love his music and have been enjoying all of the posthumous releases. Lil Peep's mother Liza took is laptop to a shop and got all the data off it. With that, his friends and musicians he admired have been making music. Despite it not being finished quite the way he would have done it, the fans still get to enjoy it. I'd love to get some vinyl records, to enjoy my listening experience some more...

CONCLUSION
Y'know, I feel we were shortchanged. We were going to watch Gus grow so big he would sell out stadiums. He had so much music inside of him, he was just getting started and he had a lot he wanted to say. His music is witty, at times it's funny, but it is mostly really sad and alienated. His music doesn't shine a light on too many of his insecurities, but it does shed light on how alone he felt and how hard it was for him to be faced with the path he tread life on.

I feel like he would have eventually grown to be a very famous rapper. But now there's only speculating on the things that could have happened. The ending we got was a pretty sour one all around. Sadly I came to find that the woman who had provided the drugs passed away a year or two later. I have no knowledge of the reason for her passing.



Support your favorite musicians while they are still touring. My biggest regret is that I never got to see Lil Peep play a live show, even though he played Los Angeles often while he lived here. We lived in the same city around the same time. I wish I'd have known what an impact his music would have on my life so that I could have seen him play a show. He'll always be on my list of musicians I'd love to see play live, right up there with :Wumpscut:, Blutengel and And One.

I'm grateful that Lil Peep got to put any music out at all. Been enjoying it lately.

I've got my sights set on some tarot and Lenormand readings and deck reviews on the blog. It just hasn't worked out yet. Soon...

009 i endorse bernie sanders

Sunday, March 8, 2020


I’m running for president so that, when we are in the White House, the movement we build together can achieve economic, racial, social and environmental justice for all.
- Bernie Sanders
 I know it’s super out of character for me to talk about politics. A never before seen event in my blogs for sure, but it felt very necessary at the time. I did what I do and I looked into it, and found in Bernie Sanders an exemplary candidate for a leader that could lead us to more prosperous times. He understands where the real issues lie in North America. Despite fierce efforts to overthrow the corruption that leeches off the peoples efforts and energy, he is struggling. His campaign has reached the point where it isn’t reaching more people, either because they have closed their hearts to the conversation and have opted for Biden or because they wanted another candidate and will now refuse to vote.

When I made phone calls to the people of Washington the day before the primaries took place, I met a lot of folks that were still undecided on who to vote for. Some people were simply not interested. I found this very concerning. We need to make more conscious efforts to get people over 18 interested in exercising their right to vote.

I don't trust Joe Biden to have anybody's interest other than that of his wealthy friends. I find him temperamental, rude and shallow. I think he stands on the opposing side to progress, and I think he may also not gain sufficient support to get Donald Trump out of the oval office.

008 poppy i disagree tour

Saturday, February 29, 2020



Caught Poppy in concert at The Fonda Theatre, where I have previously seen IAMX play twice. It has housed some shows I am very fond of and grateful to have had attended. The opening act VOWWS was most enjoyable for me, had an EBM / Darkwave style of music and I was delighted to see bigger acts sponsoring underground music. The music was dark and droning with the right amount of synths. The people in the band were in black capes with corpse make-up, which I also appreciated. All the goths at the venue were motivated to dance and loosen up for Poppy.

The new album has a great deal of aggressive tunes, which I always appreciate. I also appreciate Poppy's bad girl attitude. I see her as a strong, self-empowered female that is giving herself the opportunity to explore an edgy lifestyle. She's doing it, even with all the sacrifice that entails. And she's pulling it off. I liked the heavy music as much as I liked her Pop music. Now that she's no longer making more we can at least count on the assurance that whatever she makes next will likely still be good. I still found the music to have high tone, and I felt like I was at a goth event rather than an influencer's event. The show included nothing of Poppy's old Internet persona, as had been stipulated by the final decision of her lawsuit.





Everybody was having a good time, the crowd was amicable enough to be in. No tense moments or situations that needed resolving. There's usually a crazy hovering close by, but this wasn't the case this time around. Blessed by the Church of Poppy for the show, for sure gurl.

SETLIST:
♡ Concrete
♡ BLOODMONEY
♡ Scary Mask
♡ X
♡ Play Destroy
♡ Fill the Crown
♡ Am I a Girl?
♡ Anything Like Me
♡ Nothing I Need
♡ All the Things She Said (t.A.T.u. cover)
♡ Sit / Stay
♡ Sick of the Sun
♡ Don't Go Outside

ENCORE:
♡ Bite Your Teeth
♡ I Disagree

Loved the t.A.T.u cover. Appreciated the dark and aggressive lyrics. In my opinion the show delivered what it promised.

I had a lot of fun at the show. Chris treated me to a drink, we danced through the night and had persistent smiles on our faces. It was nice to be there in the true spirit of celebration. I feel grateful to be able to experience these amazing events in person. The energy that the crowd shares is very unique to the experience and connects everybody through their personal experiences they are re-living at the show. Even though the music was new to me — it is a fresh release... — I really enjoyed it. At times I felt as if I were listening to an Opeth album.

I have to be honest in that I liked Poppy's pop music. I hoped there would be more pop songs in the set but I respect the direction they went with, and agree artists grow along their sound. I'm fine with it and can appreciate both eras.






Poppy's outfit was a scandal. Her hair reminded me of Sailor Moon with the additional twist of her braiding her pigtails. She had a very sheer outfit that looked to be made of mesh or some similar translucent cloth. Her bottoms were ribbons tied down her legs similar to how ballerinas do it. All right!
The show was great. It had high energy and a whole lot of bubblegum pink-laced aggression. I found the performance active, minimalist but with great vocals. Afterwards we went to a diner so that I could re-live my late y2k memories. ๐Ÿ”๐ŸŸ After indulging in a decadent meal, we went home and wound the night down with our cats. I went to bed smiling.
♡♡